My About Me is a Barenaked Ladies Lyric

by Jamie Vassar

My About Me Is a Barenaked Ladies Lyric 

My Tinder profile should say: 

I’m a lover of alliteration 

who still can’t tell the difference between admiration  

and adoration. 

Who fumbles  

between the definitions of nostalgia 

and sick sentimentality. 

 

Who loves watching sunrises  

because they feel like accomplishments. 

Is infatuated with shadows  

and the way they cavort with the light. 

Someone who falls in love with personas eccentricities, and talents  

more than actual people, 

and is trying to kick that habit. 

 

I’m not a person who will text you often; 

mostly due to daily distractions,

or, in some cases, 

from doubtful fingertips, 

afraid of overindulging.  

But when I do text you 

something will be spelled wrong 

89% of the tiem.  

 

I’m the girl who’s always the one  

they call late at night because she’ll be up, 

and they’ll be drunk. 

When I go out,

I am the observer in the crowd  

who celebrates the incandescence of candid moments.  

 

I crave someone who can speak my language. 

It’s filled with small gestures

and pays attention to minute details

and is almost entirely nonverbal.  

 

Instead, my Tinder profile states that if I made films, 

they’d have a samurai. 

That’s true too, I guess.

Jamie Vassar is a short essayist, dabbler in poetry, podcast junkie, and wanna-be dog mom. She currently resides in Omaha, Nebraska where she spends her time as a cynical barista by day and hopeless romcom lover by night. Vassar is a content writer for Luvdaily.co and has previously collaborated with 13th Floor Magazine and Hear Nebraska. 

Jamie Vassar

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